I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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