Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
