hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
