Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am spending my child support on dildos
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
