He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
