How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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