I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
