And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
