ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
