were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
