I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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