he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
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Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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