I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
