Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sober January is a disaster.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
