some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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