Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
