It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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