She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
