we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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