after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
