Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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