I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
