yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
