That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
