I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
