The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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