god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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