Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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