Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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