she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
