I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
