Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
