she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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