it wasn't lemon gatorade
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
