i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
