um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
