What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize