Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
FUCK WHALES
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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