so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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