The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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