Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
