Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
