hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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