what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
