I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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