ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
