some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Bring me that man meat
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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