Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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