idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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