I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
