I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize