My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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