oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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