Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
