all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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