Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
