I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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