My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's on the porch naked. Help.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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