Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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