I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Randomize
