This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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